If relationships are a match made in heaven, are matchmakers angels? And if so, what do we call algorithms for dating apps?  I’m not trying to undermine the need for dating apps, or even matchmakers for that matter. Just the fact that almost everyone you know has had some sort of experience on these apps proves how widely accepted the notion of putting oneself out there more actively has become.  And quite frankly, I’m here for it!  The idea that there’s only one type of way to fall in love [read: go through life with your heart on your sleeve, and expect the partner of dreams to bump into you while getting pizza!] is getting outdated. For one, it just doesn’t feel prudent to expect love to fall in your lap as you go about with your business; and the emergence of dating apps and services has made it all the more difficult to be satisfied with one’s decision to find love ‘organically’ – if you will.  However, it would be foolish to talk about online dating in a vacuum – any talk of how democratized finding love has become is incomplete without the challenges that online dating brings with it; from the abundance of fake profiles, the lack of accountability, a glaring absence of customized services, and most importantly – the [in]accurate perception that these relationships will only ever amount to casual sex; it’s no wonder that online dating isn’t for everyone. These challenges are further compounded if you’re someone who wants to date exclusively within your diaspora – particularly if you’re a modern Indian living abroad.  While waiting for love to happen to you has a charm of its own, if you’re the kind of person who prefers to put themselves out there more actively but is too tired of swiping; we may have just the right alternative for you – Sirf Coffee! No, I’m not trying to say that only coffee is the answer to your quandary – I’m talking about a bespoke dating experience for the Global Indian.  I first came across their website when I was looking for a pandit for our housewarming party. Their website sells the service by promising a parent AND pandit free dating experience – which had me sold.  To be clear, this isn’t a sponsored post, and they’re not paying us to write about them. This is one of those rare times when you come across a product or service that truly blows your mind, and makes you want to tell the world that it exists.  The initiation process at Sirf Coffee is simple – you fill an application and answer some basic questions about yourself, after which the team reaches out to have a call and determine if you’re a good fit for their services. Once your profile is in place, they screen their other members to assess who can be a good match for you and take on all of the work that goes into setting up a date; from introductions to location and logistics. And the cycle repeats until you find someone who makes you want to stop meeting more people!  To be honest, what’s cooler than the fact that this service exists is that they have a bunch of  members. It’s the best kind of progress that I can think of. As subtle as it is, it gives me hope that there are so many people, just a few years older than I am, who have the clarity and conviction to fight the norm of arranged marriages in our culture – and reclaim their autonomy in their quest to find a partner.  Growing up in a fairly orthodox family, my perception of long-term relationships was that they involved compromise, not choice. To be fair to my family, this was not just a function of my immediate surroundings, but also my copious consumption of cliched Bollywood content. This was further reinforced when I hate-watched Netflix’s reality series – Indian Matchmaking when it first came out.    Source: https://www.buzzfeed.com/shylawatson/indian-matchmaking-couples Sirf Coffee may not be the only online service that’s somewhere on the spectrum between Tinder and Shaadi.com, but it’s certainly the one I resonate with the most. It takes a very mature approach to the process of finding someone you want to build a life with – unlike Tinder, where making an account is as easy as ordering some UberEats, or Shaadi.com, where the only thing that matters is your caste [because willingness to marry be damned!] – Sirf Coffee emphasizes that long term relationships are a function of emotional maturity, willingness to date, and most importantly ownership and accountability.  This approach works because it focuses more on whether a person is actually ready to be in a relationship; as opposed to external factors like age, height, and complexion – which are not just irrelevant in the conversation about dating, but also indicative of a regressive approach to romance.  I think the main reason I am so intrigued by this concept is because it holds the space for arranged dating to retain the most special component of traditional matchmaking: people. The fact that it's not mechanized, and that there’s someone in the office who genuinely cares about finding you a partner that understands your dislike of banana chips, your obsession with Star Trek, or your preference for small towns over big cities gives me hope for us as a race.  And I know that at the end of the day, it is a business. And I understand that. But the reason they can commercialize what they offer is because it is actually valuable. The human component of our lives is something that is easily overlooked, more so in the aftermath of the pandemic. And perhaps it’s possible to substitute human interaction to a certain extent, but to me, what that means is it’s even more important to compensate for that in other aspects of life.  Aspects like finding love.  I have a habit of romanticizing love and relationships and finding someone to live happily ever after with. And I also know that love is often something that happens by chance and stays when you keep choosing it. It’s not something you can predict. Love is a beautiful feeling that’s made possible by reckless optimism and abandoning our inner cynics.  Source: Pixabay https://pixabay.com/photos/couple-lovers-bride-groom-6979881/  To me, it just seems like if there was ever any sort of intervention I’d accept in my love life – it would be the kind that Sirf Coffee provides. A relief from swiping and background checks, and respite from sorting potential matches by caste. The option of truly learning more about myself as I fall in love by interacting with their team - and most importantly, knowing that participating in the journey is a conscious choice I have to make each day; because it’s not as easy as swiping on the toilet anymore.  In the past few months, I’ve come to realize that love is not a compromise – it is a choice. Just not the kind I thought it was. It’s not about choosing the most good-looking, or the smartest person out there. It’s about finding someone who makes you happy and supports you and choosing them every single day. And sure, there’s compromise involved in some way too, but I find comfort in knowing that as long as I choose the right person, letting go of some of my preferences won’t be the nightmare I think it to be.  If you’re single this Valentine's Day like I am, take a break from wondering when you’re going to find someone. Ask yourself what you’re doing to welcome love in your life instead. Because if you’re not working on yourself and meeting new people either by chance or by choice, there’s nothing love can do. It’s not going to come knocking on your door. You don’t have to join dating apps or do anything you’re not ready for, but you have to understand that love is about effort, not luck.  And when you do, you know you’ll be ready to look for love in the way that feels right for you. Maybe it’s meeting someone new at a bar, or sitting next to you on a long flight like a perfect rom-com. Or maybe it’s meeting someone over a coffee.  Sirf Coffee.  Pooja Agrawal is a 22 year old living in Sydney Australia. She likes exploring new palces and meeting new people. Pooja enjoys mexican food, long walks in the city and fast WIFI.