Dear Awakened Aunty, 

I’ve just moved interstate, from Queensland to Melbourne. I’m struggling to make friends. I’m an introvert. What are some ways I can build community and make actual friendships?

-Need to spice up my social life

Dear Beta,

I applaud your courage. Moving to a new city is as expansive, enriching, and exciting as it is terrifying.

Trust me, beta, I’ve been there.

At 18, I packed up everything and moved from Dubai to Melbourne. My first three months? I could hardly get out of bed. My days consisted of waking up, showering, crawling back into bed, and crying while watching reruns of my favorite Amitabh Bachchan films.

I missed my father's comforting hugs, my mother's warm dal makhani, and the silly antics of my siblings that made me laugh until my stomach hurt and my best friend’s lassi trips. I wanted to book a flight back home.

But that wasn’t an option.

I put myself out there, smiling and waving a subtle hello to my neighbors. Those who responded warmly, I took it as a “GOTCHA!” moment. I’d make plates of Indian sweets—Arisa Pitha, Laddu, Kaju Katli—knock on their doors, and say, “Hi, hello, I am your neighbor from 2B.”

Every time I did, my knees shook, my voice trembled, and my palms got sweaty. I gripped the plate harder to avoid a messy disaster on their doorstep. But through overcoming that initial social anxiety, I formed small positive connections that led to more, regular conversations that made me feel less alone in this unfamiliar place.

Now, I know you’re introverted, beta, so knocking on someone’s door might be a big no-no.

Fine.

Why don’t you start small? Maybe in a familiar place like work or your local cafe. Is there someone who seems reserved but responds when spoken to? Someone who has the same breakfast order as you? Flash them a smile.

Yes, with all of your teeth, beta.

Signal that you’re open to a conversation and watch as one ignites.

Another thing, beta: think about what you enjoy or what excites you. Rock-climbing? Computer games? Stand-up comedy? Find an event or join a group focused on that. Your generation has the internet. Use it. 

When I spoke to Deepa Aunt's daughter, she told me about all these ways to make new friends: Bumble BFF, MeetUp, We3, Conscious Connection, and Supper Club.

Go. Have fun. Don’t put any pressure on yourself. You don’t have to talk to a certain number of people nor leave with a friend. The best friendships happen organically and gradually.

While those friendships are brewing, if you ever feel lonely, do what I do: go to your favorite cafe, order a chai, read, journal, or work on your laptop. It’s a great way to be around people without having to engage in conversation.

Remember the most important thing, beta: You had the bravery to move somewhere new. This means you also have the bravery to make new friends.

With friendship,

-Aunty 

Visit the SAARI Directory or Shapes and Sounds for a list of South Asian and Asian Australian mental health practitioners that can help with social media addiction. 

Awakened Aunty is SAARI's Advice Columnist. Written by a real person, with all the wit and relatable wisdom of the Aunty you wished you always had.