January 1st, 2024.
The alarm beeps, and you realise it’s New Year’s Day. It’s hard to imagine not making any of the usual resolutions; a new diet, aiming for that elusive promotion, or starting a side hustle you’ve been itching to launch for aeons.
I recall a friend of mine once telling me that his new year’s resolution was not to have any new year’s resolutions. As amusing as it may seem, for the past few years I’ve tried to veer clear of any earth-shattering goals that might even hint at the possibility of becoming a resolution for the year ahead, simply for the fact that I know the reality of achieving something extraordinary seems almost impossible.
Finding myself phasing out of the good old twenties, and now firmly into my thirties, I’ve come to terms with the all-too-familiar feeling of wanting to be successful. Though the definition of success may vary, it is true that all of us have at some point felt the burden of becoming ‘numero uno’; whether for the sake of our parents, proving it to our peers, or even just for the feeling of being at the top of our game.
Most of us who come from a South Asian background will resonate with the idea that has been firmly ingrained into our psyche from a very young age; that being the best is our birthright.
I vividly recall being a child in fifth grade, coming home from school one day and desperately trying to hide my report card from my parents, knowing that anything below a “B” would be considered a failure. Despite my parents understanding my potential, teachers’ comments on my ability to be a “quiet achiever” was one of the things that stuck with me throughout my primary school years and beyond.
At the beginning of each year, I still take time to ponder on what the new year might look like. However, thoughts of grandiose plans or unattainable goals have often escaped me, and I find myself looking beyond the idea of success to one of significance.
Although the idea of success is not a bad one, the motivation behind the neverending feeling of becoming the best at all costs can actually lead to an unhealthy focus on self. Despite our best intentions, we can often become our own worst enemy when we aim too high and find ourselves inevitably falling short. In fact, setting the bar higher that we can reach can actually be damaging not only to ourselves, but also to those around us.
One of my family friends growing up was well known in our community for his academic achievements, eventually graduating at the top of his class and becoming a doctor, the career of choice for many South Asians. However, after a few years, and finding himself in an unhealthy relationship, he moved town and no one heard from him.
Theodore Roosevelt is credited with the well known quote “comparison is the thief of joy”, and I tend to agree. For every success that we think we may have achieved, there is always the risk that someone, whether in our circles or our wider community, may take issue with. It is inevitable, especially in our South Asian communities, that an uncle or aunty may eventually compare us with “their boy” or “their girl”, whoever they may be, as the standard that we must meet, to our own chagrin.
Is there a way to redefine success?
One time, not too long ago, I attended a conference where there were hundreds of people in attendance; and one of the keynote speakers for the weekend was set to deliver the opening address. Arriving a little early to the auditorium, I found myself checking out some of the information stalls when a gentleman came along and struck up a conversation. After some small talk, we ended up discovering that we had a lot in common, despite coming from different cultural backgrounds. Eventually, the time came for the keynote speaker to deliver his address; and to my surprise, it was the same gentleman who I had been speaking to who ended up mounting the stage for the evening talk! We ended up having dinner together afterwards and I discovered that, despite our different upbringings, his parents had placed so much emphasis on becoming successful that he eventually ended up becoming disillusioned with the entire idea of being something, and decided to simply focus on being himself; detaching himself from the very notion of success, and rather, honing in on his unique purpose.
There is a lesson to be learned in our own lives on what really matters.
Perhaps this year, rather than hitting reset on your alarm, it may be time to hit pause, and re-evaluate how you want to see yourself in the new year. Becoming the best version of ourselves isn’t about attaining something or achieving the impossible, it is about finding a way forward that works for you. Identifying a morning routine or healthy habits can be more than just checking off a to-do list, but rather a rhythm that settles you into a fresh perspective for each day.
Taking time out of your day or week to spend time with a loved one or confidant can lead to helpful conversations for personal growth and communal reflection. It could also help in finding a way to shift the focus from becoming busy to being present.
Adopting a new hobby or revisiting a pastime can also be a way to “switch off” from a busy day and switch on to something different which places you in a healthy state of mind and enables you to explore your creative side.
Whatever you decide, know that redefining your resolution for the day, week and year ahead can be the one step you take towards being the best you; not just for yourself, but for others to count on.
Joseph is a young professional who currently serves as the Creative Director for SolveSquad, a youth-centric social enterprise. He also serves as the Cultural Lead for SU Australia, providing training and resources for schools across the country. Additionally, he serves on the board of ARMCare (Australian Refugee and Migrant Care Services), and is also on the Youth Advisory Council for the U.S. Consulate-General. In his spare time, he lives to read, play basketball, and check out the best Indian restaurants that Brisbane has to offer.
