SHERYL DIXIT is ready for a lot more wine as her kids get older and wiser.

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It’s a strange feeling to be a mom of older teens.

After 19 years of active parenting, I’ve come to realise that I’ve involuntarily taken a step back. This revelation hit me as I found myself watching Instagram pet videos for half an hour uninterrupted, except for my dog shifting positions across my feet.

Looking back, I don’t remember ever feeling this way! This sensation—strange and simultaneously familiar—comes from having the time to engage in a completely mindless activity with no child demanding attention or needing to be nudged along by me.

After years of non-stop activity centred around my children and family—from soothing a colicky baby to massaging cramped calves after an intense soccer game—I feel like I’m finally catching my breath.

Something is changing, and it’s giving rise to a cautiously wonderful feeling of liberation and relief. I’m savoring this well-deserved moment of respite.

Parenting has been a journey full of joy and challenge. Each phase has had its bright moments, and we’ve done our best along the way.

The Cranky Phase

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Being a mom of young kids in Australia was a mildly terrifying experience. With no local support and my husband working long, stressful hours, managing a newborn and a two-year-old was fraught with anxiety.

I worked from home for a decade during those formative years, which set us back financially. But we felt that the kids needed one parent to handle the unending list of tasks.

The boys were adept at picking up every bug going around, one was a fussy eater, and the other ruled the meltdown stage in malls. At home, they were both rambunctious.

Between juggling swimming classes, playdates, community activities, and the routine of meals, naps, and bedtime, I barely had time for my freelance editing and writing job.

By the end of each day, I was exhausted.

It was a tough gig, but I managed by focusing on not dwelling too much on the hard work, avoiding self-pity, having a whinge with good friends and neighbours, and sneaking in a glass of wine whenever I could.

Though my work helped pay a few bills, those early years were a struggle.

But the boys were mischievous and humorous little monsters, with antics that kept us both amused and exhausted.

School Ready? Not Me!

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The school years brought a different set of challenges.

Primary school was a whirlwind of activity and additional work.

Uniforms to iron, socks to find at the last minute, forgotten lunch boxes and jackets, getting through the school gates on time, assignments involving glue and cardboard, and sporting activities on weekends—this was just the tip of the iceberg.

But there were compensations. Like sitting through a two-hour assembly to watch your child say “I am a kookaburra” in a barely audible voice. Or feeling proud after posting the moment on social media. Or chatting with other parents over coffee at pick-up time, at the soccer or cricket field, or during the occasional dinner with lots of wine.

I felt reassured whenever I spoke to other parents and grandparents. Swapping stories made me realize that everyone faced child-rearing issues, and I wasn’t alone.

I stopped feeling isolated and made very good friends, learning through trial, error, and shared experiences. These friendships helped me adapt parenting strategies, differing from the often-insistent advice from my South Asian family and friends.

The best advice is what works for you, not just what worked for others. “Do what works” became my mantra, replacing “Do this because we did it and it worked for us.”

So I cheerfully ignored advice to starve my fussy eater until he was hungry enough to eat what was given.

It was a long, slow process, but now, as a teenager, he’s healthy, a gym enthusiast, and still selective about his food.

And my troublesome toddler didn’t write “I will be a good boy” 500 times for minor misdemeanours. He’s never going to be a ‘good’ boy, but his eccentricity keeps us entertained.

In retrospect, I think keeping our parenting instincts sharp was an accidental but effective strategy. We simply did what we felt was right for our kids.

Truly Teens!

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Oh dear! The teen years were as challenging as expected. We faced the attitude, belligerence, endless grumpiness, laziness, talking back, eye rolls, and disgruntled muttering.

But to my knowledge, they didn’t engage in sneaky behaviours like vaping or viewing explicit content. Or perhaps they did, and I’ll never know.

Being protective is part of the job description, but these teen years are fraught as our children transition into adulthood.

It’s their time for exploration, rebellion, curiosity, and experimentation. This can be worrying for parents who have raised their kids to be dutiful and respectful, only to face what seems like an unleashed, uncontrollable troublemaker.

For a few years, the friction can feel toxic and unending. But like all good things, it does come to an end. Even though it’s the hardest thing, maintaining equanimity during this time is crucial.

Though anxious and distressed, supporting your kids as they navigate hormonal changes, unsavoury friendships, and sexual health is the best way to be.

This is easier to suggest in hindsight, but many stressful episodes led me to this conclusion.

We learned patience, practicality, and resilience during this brutal period.

But hey, they’re learning, and so are we. All things pass.

All Things Change

It’s a sad reality that as parents in a changing world, we must accept that while we direct our kids based on our paradigms of stability and success when they’re younger, they are only malleable up to a point.

As they grow older and start thinking for themselves, I’ve occasionally been easily offended or outraged by their differing views. But I’ve accepted that they’re now enjoying their own adventures, and if they were ever impressed by how much my school bag weighed at their age, they aren’t listening politely anymore.

My role has shifted to being around when needed, engaging in conversations, exploring ideas, providing sustenance and soft drinks, griping about chores, and admiring muscle flex poses.

Their thinking is evolving, with occasional discussions on ethics reflecting our values. We still argue but agree to disagree. They know we’re here for them, and there’s trust built from years of doing what parents do—from inconvenient drop-offs to cleaning up vomit.

And they make us laugh—that’s reward enough.

I feel like I’ve transitioned from hands-on parenting to being a supportive, background presence. I don’t mind this shift; it feels like I’ve moved from practical parenting to exploring the theory. Since this epiphany, I’ve become less irritable, more balanced, and have more time for things I enjoy, like savouring a good glass of wine.

I haven’t stopped being a parent and never will, but I’ve moved from active parenting to being a proud parent.

What a lovely feeling! Cheers!

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Sheryl Fernandes Dixit is a marketing professional with a passion and flair for writing. People, animals, absurdity and humour are her forte and she enjoys creating stories from memories and life. She is part of the Parenting Hub at SAARI Collective.