Dear Awakened Aunty,

"I like rules but my partner is really loose with rules. How can we work together?"

-Stickler for rules

Dear Beta,

Are you a Virgo and is your partner a Sagittarius by any chance?

As a self-confessed astrology nerd, that’s what I'm picking up.

Virgos, they’re meticulous, practical, and detail-oriented. They thrive on structure. They crave it. They need order and organisation. Rules are their comfort zone. Sagittariuses, on the other hand, they’re fiery, adventurous, and freedom-loving. They see rules as suggestions, meant to be bent, if not totally broken. They’re the embodiment of “let’s see where the wind takes us today!” 

Incompatible? Maybe.

Impossible? Absolutely not.

My daughter was in a similar situation recently, only the roles were reversed. She’s a go-with-the-flow type, and he’s a button-up type. Whenever she would complain about their differences, I would ask her one question to put things into perspective: “Do you accept your partner, or are you trying to change them into someone they’re not?” 

Let's get real here.

You need to figure out what you want changed. 

Habits and behaviors? Those can be tweaked, like convincing your partner to put the toilet seat down. 

Personality? Not so much.

If you’re hoping they’ll turn into a completely different person, well, beta, that’s a recipe for disappointment. Focus on the little things you can influence and let go of trying to perform a personality makeover.

A harmonious relationship can only exist when you celebrate your differences and embrace finding balance in your yin and yang dynamic. Accept that you’re fundamentally different and that’s okay. Your attention to detail can ground your partner's flights of fancy, while their spontaneity can bring excitement and fresh perspectives into your life. 

Learn to work as a team by playing to your strengths. The best relationships are like a tag team, where each person knows when to step up. Use your skills to plan trips and adventures that your partner craves. Let them handle the spontaneity once you’re on the road. This way, you get the best of both worlds - planned excitement!

Be grateful for what you both bring to the relationship. 

When you stop labeling things as right or wrong and understand that what works for you might not work for your partner, you unlock something pretty special - the secret to a happy, lasting relationship that finds joy in the dance of order and chaos.

Wishing you harmony and balance,

-Aunty 

Visit the SAARI Directory or Shapes and Sounds for a list of South Asian and Asian Australian mental health practitioners that can help with social media addiction. 

Awakened Aunty is SAARI's Advice Columnist. Written by a real person, with all the wit and relatable wisdom of the Aunty you wished you always had.